Archive for the ‘Prose’ Category

I see the spiders before you do

For they are my brethren

My small, ugly countrymen who scurry in the dark

 

Just like the insects

The flies

The bacteria, contaminating nothing but my mind

I think it’s on everything

 

Cracks

River bed veins

Petrol, oatmeal, vitamin E

Boils of pus, infected

Look how clean I am

 

The sink

The tub

My altars to the clean

Where I scrub the day’s success away

Mere failure lies beneath

Maybe it’s just…ME who is filthy

 

Wash my self off myself

 

Gaze into my mind

Don’t worry, this abyss is too drunk to stare back

Inebriated, toxic

Like how I relate with all my loves

 

Psychotic–how I’m to be

Always at the floor on bended knee

I should love my Master

Rather, I grovel at His feet

 

I’ve washed my fingers

I’ve washed and I’ve prayed seven times today

Hoping my loves will perish not

Lecherous crisis – come see what I’ve wrought

 

Scar tissue, with bruises

Marks on a shattered mirror

It was a smudge to begin with

Smeared with the weakness of weakness

 

So soft…

 

Perhaps another pill will help

A capsule, sublingual

Washed down with inverted ambrosia

 

Oh, no

 

You’ve hurt your loves again

 

Cease! No more talking to yourself

Talk to the Answer instead

I’ve cast this shadow all on my own

Please, lift away the darkness

 

Yellow star at dawn

Brighter…

 

Brighter

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I compared you to a sun.

The sun is a star

And just like those balls of flame

It started out small, but only with my vision.

For I was once far away

And your light was a pinpoint.

Do you remember?

You were the only star in the sky.

Faint, solitary

With nothing but darkness surrounding you.

That’s all my weary eyes could see – darkness.

But in the middle was a tiny light,

For I saw you from afar.

I know not how, but I found the courage.

I drew nigh.

The light grew,

Illuminating my life,

Revealing a spectrum of colors

That had never before existed.

The colors were your different shades,

The separate facets of your soul.

Anyone could see them, even with a chasm of distance between they and you.

But I drew nigh.

And your colors – a supernova.

From that first letter, scribed by my trembling hand,

A slab of volcanic rock struck my visage.

And I remembered.

Recalled my life, 19 months before.

You were there – a taste

A preview

A preclude

A preface to my life.

I wanted it back.

It was time to commence the novel.

The pages – you provided fresh ink

To the wasteland of my life.

“Are you sure,” you wrote in reply,

“That no one other is in your mind?”

I pondered for a moment

A slice of eternity. 

And realized – I realized YOU.

There was no other

Your presence made that clear.

And though you may not believe

And may not comprehend,

I knew, even then

That I wanted to drown in your light

My entire life.

Even as a child

Even as a nihilist

I knew you weren’t just a girl.

I fell in love with you, then and there.

But then you said “yes”

And my world was unmade.

We stood

And, strangely, you hit me.

Dazed, I watched your laughter.

So palpable

So real.

And even through the pain

The pain of your attack,

I said 

“This one is the one. I finally have her back.”

I feel a draining

Like the air lost its content

Empty places, drawn out spaces

And all desire is wanton

 

Me alone, this empty creature

Fell into the sea (of fire)

Deviations, obligations

And who I’m supposed to be (desire)

 

Too much time dreaming

Insufficient action

But if we roll up our sleeves

Will we be rolling up our hearts?

 

Depends on how we wear them

Curled up inside with pink little bows?

Or open and bare, ready to be unwrapped?

We are the vulnerable

 

I’ve decided to risk it

Does this action come from courage?

No, I tell you

I’m just a bored nihilist

 

Ready and willing, come tear me down

Take a look, then tell of what you’ve found

Spin out the twine, unravel the soul

Both order and chaos, my friend and my foe

 

Please just let me feel something

On this swiftly passing day

Then I’ll die and then I’ll rest

After I’ve found my way

 

 


Poetic sky

That’s what I find.

Sifting through shit

Chaos of mind.

Signs, protests, imbalanced status quo

They all need a cause, but they don’t even know

If you say that souls are different

you’re condemned as “pro hate”

Till we’re left with no uniqueness

With no defining traits

So full of lies

People of earth

I’m worst of all

Why even try?

Hate, empty, nothing worth the effort 

That’s what these nihilists would have us believe

Pandering to ignorant masses

Till we feel as bereaved as Jackie Onassis 

Celebrities

Whom we worship

Told we’re nothing

What we SHOULD be

Make us a sex tape, sell us some clothes

Gotta sing, gotta dance, auto tune your soul

Our kids feel like nothing without fame

So they hurt themselves and others like it’s all just game

This is my poetic sky

This is what I always find

In the world and in the screens

within myself, so break the seams


His brain didn’t work right – well, it’s actually more fit to say that it worked too right. 

Signals are sent back and forth between our minds and our bodies at a million times per second, precipitated by external stimuli. 

The brain of Patient Y, however, worked at a rate a thousand times stronger than any human in history. He had been this way since birth, and the first few years of his life were spent in a bed with a collection of wires and electrodes attached to his head.

The scientists who engineered him had no choice. Upon birth, his mother’s head literally exploded due to a powerful electro-magnetic pulse emanating from his cerebrum. No one really cared that the prostiture they had used to grow him was dead, but they did care about their own safety. 

The helmet they had constructed, the one built before the organic elements of this experiment had even begun, malfunctioned three days after the boy’s birth. 23 scientists were killed and over half of the facility was demolished – all from the power of the mind.

But they perfected the process, and it’s worked just fine for 17 years. Now, Patient Y is awake most of the time…but he must wear the helmet for the rest of his “life”. 

Immaculate sunshine Fantastical sky

Are the answers in reach

Or is life unattainable
I mean our FULL life

Unclouded by doubt

Untouched by shame

Embrace the love of fate

For joy is our aim
It’s a beautiful life 

Impeccable day

Can we forget the hate 

Or is peace unachievable
I for one believe

Unwavering faith

Unashamed hope

Will be with us to save 

And help us to cope 

Full of decadence

Can we ever see past it?

Nihilistic world

…………………………………

Screens and media

Our hearts are so digitized

No more face to face 
…………………………………
Contemplate the evil earth

Death, end, no rebirth

Salvation: can it occur?

………………………………….

Children are taken captive

Women being raped

The elite turn a blind eye 

…………………………………..

Is there any cause for hope?

I do believe so.

We must all work together 
…………………………………..
Loving, laughing, cradling a heart

Running, crying, straight for a brand new start

        I didn’t like my first time. Sure, I felt a lot of pride from what I had accomplished – which was a necessary objective – but I still didn’t like it. I had just been born. My kind aren’t conscious until we carry out our objective for the first time. However, I do somehow instinctively know that the others and I went through intensive training and testing before we were conscious. 

 You see, we only become sentient, only become able to understand the implications of our function, after we get an owner. And my first owner caused me to carry out my function efficiently and righteously – though I do wish that my function wasn’t even necessary in this world.

 “It wasn’t my fault,” I told myself after the smoke had cleared. “I wouldn’t even exist if not for the creators.”

 To this day, I know that my thinking in regards to this matter has always been correct. But it will never take away the guilt I have over what I was made for.

 As I think back to when I was first used, I realize that the memory is a blurry one. All I can really recall is a man in black bursting through my owner’s front door and rushing towards his daughter. Then, only blackness…until my next use. Time doesn’t really pass much between our uses, especially not from our perspective.

 All of a sudden, I had a new owner, and I hated him. I hated him with every polymer of my lead. My previous owner had used me almost half-ashamedly to protect his family. But this new man – he was the type of person who families would actually need protection from. The same type who almost took my first owner’s daughter. The only type my kind should ever be used against.

 We aren’t exactly conscious between our uses, but we are somehow still aware of what happens with our owners during that time. I can’t really explain it, and some of the events are still clouded to me; but I’m aware of most of the events that transpired with both my previous owner and my current one. What I don’t know, however, is how I came to be possessed by this new man.

 I could have been stolen, sold, found – it doesn’t really matter anyway. The bad ones always find ways of acquiring us, and a lot of the good ones are just too timid to even consider owning us and putting us to our proper use. 

 I also know that they always debate about our control and distribution, but I can’t help but put my tongue in my barrel about all of that. They can never control us. Instead of using us more wisely, they want to eliminate us. But they never can; they are merely kidding themselves.

 The Crystal Demon was once legal, and they eventually eliminated it under law. But anyone can still acquire it. The Drink of Inebriation – which can be blamed for our misuse more than almost anything else – was also once abolished, back in the days of our adolescence. But the people never stopped finding ways to get it – so it became legal once again. I wonder if the same thing could happen with the Crystal Demon.

 Speaking of the Crystal – my new owner consumes it frequently, along with the Nectar of Inebriation. That’s about all he does besides pull my trigger and end lives. Why couldn’t I have been owned by law enforcement, or by a conscientious citizen? Why is fate so cruel?

 Now I fear I am becoming evil, mirroring the heart of my owner. I’m being blamed! They won’t stop blaming me! Can it really be true? All my fault? Why can’t more good people own my kind? I shouldn’t have been made, but it’s too late. Centuries too late. I wish a good man owned me! I feel…I’m becoming…becoming…
SILENCE
METAL
BANG.

This little story of mine has been published by the creative writing group “Creative Quills” into a collection of short narratives titled, Alternate Perspectives

Please check it out and buy a copy! There are many great stories in it from some good friends of mine, all written from the perspective of something not human. 

It’s chased me for a long time now, me and my family. None of us ran at first. We were curious. We wanted to see if it could give us the things we craved. Pleasure, security, excitement, confidence – and the beast did actually hold up on his promise. For a while.

But then, those things it gave us began to diminish, and it gave us new things instead.

Despair. Anguish. Fear.

We did run then. And, I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I ran the fastest. I had a second family now, and I didn’t want the beast to chase them too. I’m overjoyed that I’ve outrun it for the past few years, but I am also crushed over the fact that some of my loves aren’t running fast enough. 

I’d do anything to change this. I’ve ever prayed, quite irrationally, for my happiness to be taken away and given to them. But I don’t think a prayer like that is really a solution.

The best and only thing I can do is keep running and pray my loves catch up. I feel like I’ve escaped most of the time, and I have, in a way, for I don’t let the demon touch me anymore.

But sometimes I feel his harsh breath on my neck and shoulders, and I have to run even harder. I’m always running, even when people think that I’m not. 

Even when they’re proud.
(Can anyone guess what this is about?)