Archive for the ‘choices’ Category

It’s chased me for a long time now, me and my family. None of us ran at first. We were curious. We wanted to see if it could give us the things we craved. Pleasure, security, excitement, confidence – and the beast did actually hold up on his promise. For a while.

But then, those things it gave us began to diminish, and it gave us new things instead.

Despair. Anguish. Fear.

We did run then. And, I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I ran the fastest. I had a second family now, and I didn’t want the beast to chase them too. I’m overjoyed that I’ve outrun it for the past few years, but I am also crushed over the fact that some of my loves aren’t running fast enough. 

I’d do anything to change this. I’ve ever prayed, quite irrationally, for my happiness to be taken away and given to them. But I don’t think a prayer like that is really a solution.

The best and only thing I can do is keep running and pray my loves catch up. I feel like I’ve escaped most of the time, and I have, in a way, for I don’t let the demon touch me anymore.

But sometimes I feel his harsh breath on my neck and shoulders, and I have to run even harder. I’m always running, even when people think that I’m not. 

Even when they’re proud.
(Can anyone guess what this is about?) 

This poem will only be on my blog for a couple of months as I intend to send it to a magazine for publication.

Thine eyes were closed, but opened upon
The sight of all things infernal, by which
creation left unfinished and impure,
Impure from a lack of something.
Men made and left without conscience
As if their own hearts lacked semblance of
Good sense, nay morals, nay perception.
Destruction their God, beauty be their bane.
Hordes, the multitude of mankind
Lie in wait for neighbor to slip

Into their traps, snares for innocence.
Yea, these men they be not human and are
Preserving nothing, save victims’ lament,
Lament for losing existence
To the hands of those heartless ones
Illegitimate, led by nothing
But black desire. Of Deception,
Seduction be their device, pain their aim.
Purged, their own lusts shall never be,
So we close our eyes to horror

Mine eyes were closed, but opened upon
The sight of all things eternal, by which
Damnation fled, diminished as it were
By kindness, light, and liquid love
Washing away our blind despair.
As if our own eyes lacked vision of
Good deeds, acts kind with no rejections.
Reduction our goal, lessening the hate.
Lord, take away the victims’ pain
And help us aid with opened eyes

Only one bite. Then, the morals fled away.

After a mere bite, she slept without dreaming, lived without breathing, and sinned without grieving. Just like the mythical Eve, she tasted something that looked sweet from afar but turned bitter once digested by the soul. The serpent in this case – the reason she was tempted, at least in her mind – was her husband. He had been the cause of this. It was all his fault.

After a few months of constant criticism, joyless celibacy, and a bad habit with the bottle, her husband had finally given her the temptation that she had actually possessed all along. The temptation to chase another.

She didn’t remember much of the first night, other than the fact that she was filled with intense desire. At least until the alcohol took effect. Then, it was more about the death of brain cells than anything else.

After she awakened in his apartment, she found a plate of eggs on the nightstand with a note beside it.

“Had to go to work. Enjoy your breakfast, beautiful.”

How could she have been so stupid? Hooking up and spending the night with a total stranger from a bar?

Still…the man seemed to care about her. He was sweet, much sweeter than a regular one nighter would have been.

It took her a while to register the facts, but she eventually realized that this was going to be a continuous thing.

There was no guilt yet. That would come later, along with the debauchery.