The Parachute Man

Posted: September 14, 2016 in Author, Comedy, death, fiction, original stories, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

WARNING: I don’t normally write like this so please check out my post for my novel tomorrow, much better. This one’s inspired by a picture 



“Fuck this bike!” Said the man with the parachute. He threw the bike off the building, paying no mind to the fact that a steel bicycle forced to the earth by gravity from four stories could easily kill someone.

He then picked up an open briefcase.

“Fuck my job!” He threw the briefcase over the ledge.

“And now, for the finale.”

He had originally planned on jumping off and killing himself, but he had gotten ridiculously drunk beforehand. He still wanted to kill himself, but his inebriated mind told him that he needed the parachute for safety. He was gonna kill himself, but he sure as hell didn’t wanna be unsafe about it. 

“Fuck me! Goodbye, cruel world!” 

He jumped, not realizing that he should have pulled the cord in midair rather than letting it dangle open behind him before he even made his leap. So he fell, screaming his drunken head off, until the parachute snagged onto a streetlamp.

And there he hung for the rest of the night, waking the next morning to find a hangover in his head and a group of citizens gathered around the streetlight looking up at him.

Johnny Streetlight(what a fitting name!) would now be known as “parachute man” for the rest of his life. 


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